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Read funny stories about the daily experiences and misfortunes of people
MLIW
MLIA
TFLN
FML
Today, my fiancé emailed me some steamy pics. Too bad he forgot to erase "FWD:" from the subject line. FML
Today my science teacher was really upset. When we asked him why, he said someone crushed his ping pong ball. He proceeded to show us the little crushed ping pong ball. MLIA.
(949): So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
(218): It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
(302): You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
(804): I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
(804): Oh my god she just threw up on her dog.
(530): That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
(509): threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again.
(876): i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend.
(785): if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
(916): Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable.
(443): He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
(914): Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
(512): There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
(828): Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Today I washed several t-shirts that we had just bought that had different sayings on them. After washing them, I discovered that I hadn't taken the paper tag off of one of them, covering them all in wet paper confetti. The saying on the shirt - EPIC FAIL. mlia
(412): So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
(908): I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess.
Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by fist pumping. FML
Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML
Today, I discovered that my birthday is on the same day as walk your pants day and walk your house plant day. Looks like I'm going to have an enjoyable walk :) MLIA
(402): We're going to catch a squirrel this summer.
(443): No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
(+44): I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
(614): The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
(301): Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night.
(724): I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
(407): I'm pregnant.
(1-407): The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
(520): I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Today, I sat down on a chair after my very large boss sat on it all day. When I got up, my pants were damp. FML
