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Read funny stories about the daily experiences and misfortunes of people
MLIW
MLIA
TFLN
FML
(860): I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
(248): my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
(970): That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Today, one of my friends told me that Beauty and the Beast was on television this evening. The word spread and now almost all of my college friends are on facebook chatting about B&B while we watch it :) OLAA
(770): Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
(504): A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
(571): Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
(571): just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom.
Last week i got an homework task in which i had to do a power point presentation on Globalization. Today i realized that the task is due tomorrow. I had almost finished it, the only things remaining were pictures. So i went on google images and searched globalization. As i was scrolling down, i saw a picture of the Earth having a tag that said 'made in china'. Completed My Day.
(630): It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
(862): woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic.
Today, I was having lunch at McDonald's when I dropped a French fry down my shirt. It stuck out the top of my bra. Before I had the chance to remove it, a creepy man picked it out and ate it saying that it was the best French fry he had ever eaten. FML
one day in math class i was bored so i decided to write, 'i solemnly swear i am up to no good' on the side of the table, about 2 months later i saw pictures of it up on a bunch of peoples Facebook's, no one knew who wrote it. i feel average. MLIA
(906): Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
(607): Did strip banana grams actually happen last night.
(519): The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs.
Today I awoke to find my sister posting on facebook about how I talk in my sleep. Apparently her favorite thing that I said was,"No bad dinosaur! That's my noodle!" I have no recollection of this at all. MLIA
(707): Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
(770): I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
(724): Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs.
(940): This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
(609): YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
(443): I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
(713): There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special.
(612): She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
(319): Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
(712): You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Today, my fiancé has decided to become my cat's personal trainer. This includes talking to the cat, attempting to motivate him to run up and down the stairs and telling the cat to call him "Coach Daddy". I now have a crazy fiancé and a very angry cat. FML
(702): I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito.
Today, some guy hit my car and then threatened to sue me for "parking my car in such a way that it was impossible not to hit it." My car was in the driveway. FML
(352): She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
(856): When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
(518): Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play.
